To the tune of "The Ballad of Jed Clampett" by Paul Henning

MLIS Calypso

J.D. Waggoner, Class of '94

Come and listen to the story 'bout a deal that's new
Instead of going to classes, the school comes to you.
It's all about computers and satellite TV
And that's how we got to USC...
Grad school, that is....South Carolina/Distance Ed

It's the fall of '92 and we're sitting in our seats
The reception's okay and the system works neat.
We're readin' and we're writin' just as hard as you please
So we can all earn our Masters Degrees!
Library, that is...ALA....Lifelong learnin'

With each new class another challenge came
We worked real hard just to stay in the game.
Statistics, media, services and grants
And surfin' the Net by the seat of our pants!
Email, that is...Modems....TCP/IP

Now it's graduation time and we've made it through
Time to grab that sheepskin and to say "Thank you"
To the teachers and advisors who filled our head
And let's not forget two fellows named Fred!
Roper, that is....Glazer, too!

Well now it's time to say good-bye to you and all our kin,
An we would like to thank you all for kindly droppin' in.
You're all invited back again to this locality
If ever you decide to get your Ph.D.
You all come back now, hear!

For USC's CLIS class of '95 -8/12/95- Julie and Jerry Speigler
'ROADKILL SODEE POP' [Go-Mart, Inc.-WV] is to remind us:

Library school, how tough can it be, we'll start with Dr. Dan, You say you want what? And want it by when? I think they're serious, man.Then comes the spring, with Dr. Bob, with charts and curves mystic, I don't care, if you deny it again, this class is statistics.

But wait this one, she always smiles, you seem so sweet Ms. Pat,If you believe, my intellect if free, why can't my answer be that? Next at bat it's Dr. Chuck, with his ODAPCOSRIU chant, I know LSCA, even ALA, but what is this SOB grant?

Then Lois came, with Technical skills, and precision like a clock, The collection developed, by OCLC, all safe in the disaster box. Oh Linda, Linda, can it really be true, these Academics you describe, Where faculty wait, for librarians to serve, I think I'd rather die.

Computers, Chris? How could they miss? I guess there'll be no rest, History of, and Dialog, hype your media or your text. Ah, Miss Ellen, and her CR too, only she could show us how, With a little MARC, a delimiter or two, to catalog a musical cow.

Wait Liz, no, not computers again, is this what we deserve? Dialog again, telnet your gopher, four attempts to subscribe to the listserv. Children's books, some without words, in others we talk to raccoons, But really, Pam, 'cept for "George and Martha," they can all Jump Over the Moon.

TW3, Kenny Rogers career, the name of an old Irish elf, Dr. Linda thinks, it's a Treasure Hunt, but she's just kidding herself. Now Pat, you know they're young adults, you must know what I mean, They're not reading Myers or Hinton, or Peck, they're into "Playboy" Magazine.

"Libraries, Libraries," South Carolina's rebel yell, Once again, we mountaineers are free, for we made our way through hell!

August 10, 1995